Crazy in love, Actually Sanely in LOVE

Ok so as usual I have neglected this blog because of a multitude of reasons. But this year I have been legitimately distracted for a great reason. I am in LOVE! Yes the perpetual erudite, the persnickety Scorpion the audacious island girl has fallen deeply in Love with an incredible sagittarius gentleman and thus inextricably transformed once again. As always I will be existential, transparent and unpack this topic with an astrological lens. 

If you didn't catch the sassy title, I am indeed crazy about him but, somehow completely sane at the same time. I haven't written about Daniel on this venue because it was such new and transformational experience that I truly wanted to delve into the myriad of sensations of being in a relationship before the cathartic muse took hold. Plus so much has happened in such a small expanse of time that I had to take my time processing and analyzing things the only way I know how. 

Let me start by saying that Daniel is a Sagittarius, a fire sign that illuminated my life like the wonderment of aflame of a birthday candle, and he quickly set my life ablaze, heating up this steamy Scorpio and brightening up my sullen world. More will be explained as we move along through this topic, but at the exact moment we meant I lost My Scorpio grandmother and My Aries grandmother. In other posts I'm sure I described my Maternal grandma as my Queen. Like Daniel she was quietly intense, family and faith centered, easy to love, and fiercely loyal. In my heart I always knew I belonged with a fire sign because they matched the unabashed and wild spirit I harbored as a Scorpion.... we are both strong willed in character, confident in our integrity, both creative and adventuresome. But by comparison his lightheartedness tempers my seriousness and intensity. 

This journey was a learning experience and it continues to teach me at present. Being someone who was perpetually a dater, and who loved the social process of meeting new people and having fun, truthfully the monotony of a relationship was never appealing. I worked so hard to become the woman that I, myself fell in love with, that there was a fear of losing that independent spirit in a relationship. I love her, I love me, the brazen woman that travels the world alone, who is fierce and passionate, who doesn't back away from challenges and one who is comfortable in solitude. This is the person I learned to be from watching my grandmother survive grief of losing her husband and becoming the independent and unabashed woman I knew her to be.
To this day, and probably for the rest of my life I'm sure I'll hear that wild part of my heart beating.

With Daniel I don't long for solitude because I know every single moment is better when we are together, tough and exciting times alike.  I feel like I have not changed, and I am still the same person I've always been, except I have an amazing man at my side. But simultaneously it feels like I am a new person because I have made the space in my life and in my heart for another. In with all sincerity it was so effortless, joining his life and mine. It is another aspect of growing, transitioning into a new life phase and transforming on levels that I never explored. With another man it would not have been possible to tap into this part of my persona. 

You know, it was so easy to be with him, absolutely uncomplicated. It was so natural to have Daniel in my life, and as you know from other posts it has been a tumultuous journey to find him; my beloved, my Beshert, my future. But a mere mortal cannot fathom the complexities of fate and kismet, so I acquiesce and accept this precious gift from the universe. 

With everyone else I dated or fazed out of my life, it was always so confusing and frustrating. While on paper that person 'looked' like a good match, they were never spiritually and cosmically suited for me. Some of theme were just nice guys who weren't meant to be mine, others just didn't put in the effort to keep me around, and some just plain didn't deserve me. The biggest issue with dating is that timing rarely aligns, and there are so many missed opportunities. (which is why Ive had so many visitors from the past, that will be discussed in another blog). 

When I met Daniel, my world was falling apart, literally it was the worst chapter of my life. Saturn had revisited Scorpio for the summer and brutalized me by stealing my grandmother (both of them anyway) but I lost the person I love most in this world. I never knew my heart could ache so much when she died. Days after we met I returned to Trinidad for the second funeral that month to say goodbye to the one person I knew would want to meet him. The universe has its way of ironically filling voids and surprising us with the least expected denominator... by this I mean how could I know with such loss and grief,  I would receive congruity in securing my future and my happiness? 

Finding myself in Trinidad again did nothing to soothe my grief so I took the next flight home right after the funeral and literally ran to his open arms and open heart. My journey to accepting my grandmother's passing and surviving this tremendous grief is inextricably aligned with our love story. 

There were so many times in the beginning of all this where guilt and doubt crept in to make question whether it was the right time for him to enter my life. Whenever he said or did something amazing, I knew that my grandmother would have given anything to be around to see this happen for me. But a part of me felt that I was metaphorically dancing on her grave, how could I be falling in love at this precise time? And I learned that the answer to that its never the right time. You just have to take the gifts of the universe, along with the cosmic lessons and be grateful for both. I kept moving forward with this man and I soon came to realize that not only did I want to be with him, but I NEVER want to be without him. 

But like I said being with Daniel was so easy and it felt like he always belonged right here with me. I know my parents feel the same way about him, as do my friends and family who have gotten to know him because here is the same ease and comfort that I feel and that I always envisioned. I absolutely  adore his parents and friends as well, and the complexities of joining each other's lives was seamless.  Holidays, birthdays and basically everyday is so much better with him.  I understand know what it is like to make plans for two, cook for two and know that someone will be there. I literally feel excited to see him, sad when I leave, glad to wake up together. 

Months just rolled by and now we are close to 18 months together and I hardly remember a time when I was without him. I love Daniel, I love this life we are beginning together and I love Us. 
Where are we headed next? I have no idea but I'm sure you will read about it right here. 

Stay Tuned.