Cathartic Neglect

Oops, I did it again.
I started a well intentioned blog for the sheer purpose of being an outlet for my emphatic inner voice. Yet once again I have allowed a significant amount of time pass as I neglected this writing project and seemingly abandoned this once cathartic endeavor.

I promise I have things to say, ideas to share, random musings and sexcapades to expound upon. Yes I said Sexcapades and you know you want to read on...

Kiss Me at Midnight

It is early on New Years day as I write this and countless couples around the world have celebrated the beginning of the 2012 with a peck, a smooch or a full on lip lock. This year I chose to decline various invitations to do the cliché club celebration, and opt for Catholic Mass and a quiet evening with Dick Clark.

However a few days ago I shared an amazing pre New Years smooch with a great guy… which has led to this article. I am completely astounded by the way he kisses, and even though we are not at the point where I’d want to spend New Years with him, I would have made it out to wherever he was to kiss him at midnight… just because it is that good!

Perhaps it was seeing various couples ringing in the new year with kisses, or perhaps it was the residual glow from alone time with a certain guy, but it motivated me to investigate the inner workings of a kiss. In the book The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips Are Telling Us, author Sheril Kirshenbaum investigates the biological reactions of a kiss… who knew a simple romantic gesture could be so complex! Apparently within a kiss, there is a surge of biological reactions. Research has shown that kissing raises levels of neurotransmitters in the brain such as dopamine and serotonin making our bodies connect on a chemical level. The kiss also conjures oxytocin, referred to as the “love hormone,” since it is usually triggered by orgasms… isn’t science fun???

But what I wanted to know, was what it was that made my guy's kiss so utterly mind blowing, and oh so irresistible to me. I mean this is so good that I turned to science to explain my physical reactions to this man. He makes me feel like I’m in high school again, stirring up all these hormones, driving me wild, and reminding me what it feels like to be absolutely enraptured in passion… Since he’s a Pisces, a fellow water sign … he knows just how to get a Scorpion wet. Oh yes I went there.

So to give a fair comparison I had to evoke the memories of recent Kisses, my last partner unfortunately was not so good … lets take a trip down memory lane…

(CAUTION… Graphic Details)

In comparison, my last relationship, the one that made me swear off Gemini’s forever, dragged on for months. It was a slow and painful wreck I saw coming, but stubbornly ignored the signs because I was hoping that I would eventually feel something, anything but disdain. One sign I should have paid attention to was the kiss. For a while I thought I was doing something wrong… my Ex had no problems blaming me for every single issue… but I digress. Now that I have the most mind blowing physical experiences with my New Boo, I see that the Ex was the one with the problem.

So back to my Gemini Ex, I don’t know if it was my lack of physical attraction to him, or maybe the way he tasted or smelled, which wasn't bad or offensive, but I cringed every time he leaned in with his lips pursed, aiming for mine. I hated the way his thin, wet lips felt against me, with his tongue flapping lightly as if a kitten was lapping up milk. Are you getting that gruesome picture? Well here’s one more detail, he always had this 5 o’clock shadow that chaffed against my chin, cheeks and lips, feeling like sand paper rubbing my face raw.

The Ex hated when I wore lipstick and he refused to kiss me with make up on. So guess what I did… often I slathered on the gooiest, most sparkly lipstick and lip gloss, making sure to pop in some chewing gum, so that I had another layer of protection to guard against my Ex’s oral assaults. But with him, kissing was so mechanical. His arm would be at his side, maybe around my shoulders or resting lightly on my waist. It always occurred when we would say goodbye, never spontaneous or organically rendered from a romantic moment together. It was cold and contrived. He was an air sign… makes sense because air and water (I’m water) create hurricanes, snowstorms and so many of the worst natural disasters… just like our relationship.

BUT with the New Dude…

…its the first time in my life that I’ve been absolutely gratified by just a kiss. Although everything else is just as mind blowing… those juicy details will be tackled in another blog… I just feel so amazing with him before, during and after he kisses me. I'll do my best to capture this with details, but as we all know words sometimes can't express a feeling, especially one this strong...

So to start, he's not to much taller than me, making this a comfortable hight, where with or without high heels, we are both a the perfect lip alignment, lol. We both have pretty much the same size lips... medium, soft not wet, pillowy and inviting... and yes I realize I just complimented myself.

His lips are perfect, not too plump, really soft. He tastes so good and so natural, yet he always as fresh breath... not in the way that makes him smell and taste like Scope mouthwash. I think what I like is his technique, he makes it seem so effortless, like a natural chemistry we have together.

First he gives me a look like he is ready to devour me. Depending on the light, his eyes are this piercing grey color and I become so entranced as he comes closer. He starts by putting his hands on me, but also tugging lightly at my hair, clothes whatever, just to let me know where this is going. He begins slow, pressing his lips against mine, alternating between light and rough, sometimes lightly biting my lips. I never thought I'd like that, but I do!

I love it when he pushes me up against a wall, bed, chair, door anything, feeling him against me, touching all the right spots like he’s reading my mind. I don’t know if it’s the way he grabs a hold of me, running his hand over my body, he squeezes me and pulls me closer to him but every single move feels perfect and pleasurable.

Sometimes I don’t believe its real, so I open my eyes just to peek at what he’s doing, his are always closed, like he’s totally in the moment. When we are taking a breather, his eyes stay locked on my lips as if he can’t wait to latch on again. He’s not aggressive at all, and I feel so at ease with him, but I do like that he knows just how far to go without making a simple kiss into something overtly sexual. I mean that would be fine, Hello I am a Scorpio… but sometimes a girl just wants to know she’s desired, and not only for sex. Kissing this man is some type of intimacy that I’ve never experienced before. THIS IS PASSION… Oh and did I mention he’s Latin?

Upon reflection, I realize that after a rough year and the closing of a tumultuous passionless relationship, this man was and this experience was such a gift. Thank you universe for putting our two compatible signs together. I've been waiting so long to feel this way... something so indescribable. He makes me feel amazing... so much that everyone in my life as noticed a change in my energy, complexion outlook etc. I still don't know what the future holds for us, but what I do know is that I like what is happening now, and the way his energy has affected mine.

So what do you think… Is this truly a chemical reaction that I’m having? Am I hopped up on too much natural dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin that I can barely think of a better blog topic? Am I just being a sensual Scorpio, obsessing and reading too mch into this… or can he be THE ONE?

No probably not… is the answer to the last question.

Krishenbaum investigates a great topic… one that I would be happy to explore further with my Boo... so if I ever write a second part to that book please purchase!

Happy New Year all... and Happy Kissing!

Blasts from the Past... Unwanted as they are

What is it about the holiday season that makes people so crazy?

I’m not talking about family drama, shopping mayhem and tantrums from getting the wrong presents… I’m talking about how single people start clamoring for attention and searching for a significant other, while those in an amorous pair start feeling the pressures to commit during various holiday events with family.

While I have experienced the brunt of both of the mentioned examples, this year I have experienced craziness from another perspective. This year I have been contacted and stalked by not 1… no not 2… but 3 exes seeking out my attention for the holidays. I suspect that they are 1 Lonely… 2 Miss me… 3 Feeling the aforementioned holiday pressures… 4 Stalking Me

I find myself empathizing w Scrooge, being visited by all these eerie shadows from the past. The bright ember of those relationships are now ash, and I have no desire to revisit the past. I'm looking for something new and fresh and everlasting.

What’s a not-so-single girl to do in these circumstances? This year I find myself in neither of these predicaments… although I’ve never found myself desperate for attention or commitment which, is why I have never contacted an ex for any reason other than to un-tag me in pictures or to give back my belongings. I’m not the ‘crazy ex type.” Luckily for those guys I just delete them from my heart, mind and social networks forever.

So now that Google + has come along and decided to screw with me, unblock some of these people and allow them to contact me once again, I wonder what is the driving force behind this need to reconnect to me?

That is until I read this article by Tracy McMillan on Huffington Post explaining why I’m not married.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-mcmillan/why-youre-not-married_b_822088.html

And NO I AM NOT WONDERING why I’m still single. Its by choice and ambition and determination if anyone else was wondering… I plan to get my PhD before the Mrs. If you know what I mean.

But in this article McMillan outline the characteristics that scare off men … Angry Bitches, Sluts, Liars, & Women with Shallow Insecurities… I’m none of the above!

I’m not perfect but …

Yes I can be cranky, but I’m not jaded and angry at the world…

I am not an innocent flower, but I wasn’t born yesterday…

I don’t lie, because I don’t do anything I need to hide…

I have insecurities, Hello I’m a woman, but I work on them and I don’t judge others and hold their flaws against them.

I realize that they think I may be the safe bet on giving another chance… that’s my guess. A well-mannered, mature, educated, exotic woman with a professional degree… is the best thing to take home to mom, dad and grandma for the holidays.

Here’s what they don’t know… I’m a Scorpio and I rarely give second chances. I’m not looking for a relationship… in fact I’m committed to GWU and my Doctoral program, Scorpions are focused and ambitious and I wont let a man get in the way of my goals… he can come along for the ride. Luckily I’m currently in a ‘no labels’ situation, and perfectly content as it is. I do know that one day I will be in a relationship where I will be prepared to make those decisions and address commitment issues. This is not the year for that… I’m still boy crazy. 

However as 2012 approaches, I find myself wondering when or if ever I will feel those needs. Will I find myself sending out a desperate email, text or other correspondence to a man in my past, in the hopes of rekindling a relationship? NOPE!

I'm not in the habit of making mistakes twice.

Happy Holidays!

❤ Soul Mates

What is a soul mate and how do you know they belong to you?

This week I caught an old episode of my favorite new obsession "1 Girl, 5 Gays" and one of the questions asked by the host was whether the panel believed in soul mates. The idea of fate was brought up in being the catalyst for finding your other half. I totally agree, but I have a different take on the concept.

Firstly the idea that a higher power brought certain people together at a specific time and place for a special reason is absolutely believable. The fact that coincidence is the counterargument for finding a soulmate is unconvincing. I believe a particular person is in my life for a reason and God is the reason for any and all of my blessings, even a special person in my life.

So that being said, I don't think one person is supposed to be your soul mate. Yes I'm a Ploy-amorous believer in soul mates. Furthermore I think a soul mate is not necessarily your life partner... so I am a Pan- Soul mate?? This has been my experience in life thus far because not only have I not found the Love-Of-My-Life, the one intended to be my life partner, but I have found others who I serendipitously connect with and whom I would not be without on this life journey.

Whether it is a sibling, a pet, a Lover a spouse, that person was brought into your life for some type of emotional connections. Its great to have a source of love and support that is unconditional, and wherever one may find it... more power to them.

Which brings me to my Soul Mates, the people who I cannot be without at this stage of life, who were there for me in High School, college and who I cannot see as part of my future... my best friends. Maybe I should call these women my soul sisters, and even though we are friends, we may as well be family.

We Love each other, we aggravate each other, offer support, encouragement, advice and unconditional friendship. We've been through amazing times and and terrible times, and one thing remained consistent, our ability to remain friends over time and distance. We've survived illness, death, heartbreak... celebrated holidays, new jobs, achievements together. They love the people I love and we created a big rainbow family together. I dont think I've ever asked something of them and they have not said enthusiastically "yes."

Whether it was fate or coincidence that brought us together, it is commitment, it is love and it is our choice to stay in each other's lives. I'm lucky to not only have the both of them, but their support in me finding my true Soul Mate and life partner. God brought us together, three different girls with similar values and I I have tremendous faith in the Lord's ability to introduce me to another wonderful person.

I don't know where the journey in life is going to lead, and who else it will lead me to. But I am so glad that I'm not traveling down that path alone and I have my bet friends, and soul mates at my side... and thus far I've been tremendously blessed.

Back to Life, Back to Reality... School's in Session

Welcome to Fall 2011 at UDC- CCDC- UDC CC... I'm not sure what the official name of the academic institution I work for is anymore, but I sure am glad to be back. One thing I've learned from my own studies and professional experiences is that 'everything is political.' Unfortunately that includes every person's basic right; Education.

As I type, its late summer in DC, and we have just survived an earthquake and a hurricane in the mid Atlantic region, but far worse for many teachers... its back to school time. For years the DC public school system has been a downtrodden bane of the urban American academic system, shaming good educators and violating the integrity of education, but most of all robbing students of a holistic learning environment and replacing it with a culture of test taking and data collection. Many of us in the education field love our jobs, yet it is so painful to return to work under the current unfriendly and un-motivating climate.

Happily I am returning to the college atmosphere, where I have much more creative liberties and autonomy as an educator. I am in charge and in control of my classroom, where I employ an authoritative and charismatic teaching style, addressing the deficiencies suffered by urban students, but holding my standards high. Yes it can be quite isolating at times, not being to collaborate with fellow Professors, but it is preferable to a stifling atmosphere that undermines my professional capabilities. In my experience there is so much ego in education, which I admit some of my colleagues are guilty of abusing, but at least students get a survey, we are fairly evaluated and if you are good... they invite you back!

Its a great start already... and I love my job.

Social Media; Can I Ever Have Closure?

How does one break up with someone gracefully? I doubt its ever actually been done. But the one thing we can hope for is Closure.

But how do we find closure in this day and age when social media tracks our every move and we document our personal musings, moments, videos, pictures and memories on various networking sites.

It used to be difficult enough to scratch his name and home number out of my Lisa Frank unicorn address book and planner back in the day... you know in the third grade he spoke to another little girl during recess, and you were done with him! But I digress from that memory...

Or in high school and college when you'd had just enough drama, too many tantrums, countless tears on your pillow because he said something insensitive, didn't call you back, forgot a trivial anniversary... and you'd delete him from your email list and cell phone and be done.

So with the recent emergence of google+ and various former flames and acquaintances showing up as suggestions to add to my circles, I thought... Wasn't I done with this asshole already? Social network, why are you making these sadistic suggestions? What the heck is google+ anyways?

But I digress from those tangental queries and venture to ask how does one retain a social life in the cyber world, yet remain classy and not delete an Ex altogether... I mean didnt we say we'd be better off as friends?

So as much as I could care less about certain gentlemen from my past, its nice to be able to have that extra follower or friend in my network or circle. However sometimes you just don't want to see their witless status updates, you don't want to know where they checked in for lunch, and you certainly Do Not want them commenting on your posts... particularly when your newest flame is in on that conversation thread.

So what should I do?? Should I engage in an EX cleanse of my FB, my cell phone, my email, my pictures etc? Do I even need closure since I've already (Happily, no doubt) moved on by upgrading to someone Hotter Smarter Taller and Better overall than the creep from the past?

Or should I fool myself into thinking its rude to up and delete someone online, when you cant just hit the delete button in life?

This is the same for Best Friend Break- ups too, which arguably, for girls is the worst kind of break-up, even if you remain Facebook friends... Do I care if you passed an exam? Or you bought the most adorable pair of shoes, or got a mani & pedi? NOT AT ALL

But that vindictive Scorpion woman that I am would like to know Why you are constantly complaining about your loser boyfriend and dead end job? Why didnt you graduate college yet? And did you see the pics of me on Vacay, having an incredible time, my new car and yet another degree?

I guess in a selfish way there major positives for remaining 'friends' because what is social media but a way to document the exciting and wonderful or trivial and mundane aspects of our lives, whether good or bad.

So what if he does appear on your news feed? He's an Ex for a reason, he's a mistake made in your past (just like those pics of you with bangs) ... That page has turned, chapter closed... and Hey you do have some closure after all.

Globe Trotting and Phallic Symbolism

Considering that my travel adventures have experienced a dry spell for the last few years, I have suddenly regained the motivation to scratch that proverbial itch, cross oceans and stand in on the other side of the world. A colleague of mine recently said something quite profound, he said "Traveling to another country is like reading a thousand books."

How appropriate of a quote that is for an English teacher and a lover of kinesthetic learning. Thank you Dr. Gibson & Jullien!

However world travel to me is literally a spiritual journey, as I seek to uncover cultural similarities or 'roots' of my own mixed heritage. Although I grew up in America, and arguably bi-nationally as a Trinidadian, I come from two countries that are predominantly anglophone and hispaophone. Traveling this time to France, the first and original francophone nation, and sphere of influence to much of the colonized world, made me realize how many of my roots, both culturally and linguistically extend to France.

On a side note, I spent the last few days of Lent in Paris as I wandered through Notre Dame and other breathtaking Cathedrals. Being a Catholic and experiencing my religion in a different country is always a reawakening of my faith, as I see how much it extends to people of different nationalities and languages as well. Whether I experience Mass in Dutch, Spanish, English, Korean, Hindi and now French, the Lord's message is constantly heard and my faith is never wavered.

This was my first trip to Paris, the City of Lights. And while I have been in numerous cities that were well lit (New York, Seoul, Port of Spain, Chicago, London, Dubai), none compare to the feeling of standing in this historic setting gazing upon the glory that is the Eiffel Tower. The tower which was built for the World's Fair in 1889, is a iron lattice structure that remains the most iconic symbols of any city in the world. Although this was not a romantic trip for me, being in the shadow of this glorious monument, and at the top at sunset, made me long to be embraced like a scene from any cliched romance movie. Funny Face comes to mind because I was undoubtedly channeling Audrey Hepburn in my chic trench coat and heels.

But as a city girl, who loves the concrete jungle and admires the grandiose character emblematic of most cities I've visited, I had to ask myself "Whats up with all these BIG structures?" Sure Washington DC has the Washington Monument, of course we all think of NYC when we see the Chrysler or Empire State Buildings, and London has Big Ben. Chicago has the tallest of skylines of any American city I've been to, Dubai has the Burj, Piza has its leaning tower and Paris redundantly has an obelisk thrusting toward the sky.

So what is the common thread here? Indeed, it is the phallic symbolism conveyed through various aesthetic translations throughout the world. Shall I now channel Freud or Butler in my analysis of this theme?

Is it because of male architects or founding fathers' obsession with power and strength that the symbol of the phallus was adopted by each of these cities and countries?

Is it an obsession with sex and male genitalia? Is this some sort of ancient phallic worship creeping up in modern society... Dan Brown do you know anything about this?

Is someone's mind in the gutter, which makes her see the penile organ wherever she travels?

NO to the last question by the way. And FYI there is a Phallic School of Architecture which is also responsible for the theoretical movement that supports the aesthetic designs of buildings that conspicuously resemble breasts or echo vaginal symmetry .... China's M'inge Stadium anyone?? Its nice to see a modern version of Yoni worship for once... vaginal worship in Tantrism.

I have yet to figure out what I have actually learned from all of this, but at least my latest trip has inspired some truly fascinating food for thought. Where will my next jet setting adventure take me? Who knows. Will I see more clues to architectural perversion? Maybe.

Will I learn more abut myself, my identity and uncover more cultural roots? Absolutely. Will I remain on a spiritual journey with the Lord at my side? Without a DOUBT

Happy Travels!