#Pisces HEARTS #Scorpio

He was the most ethereal creature I have ever encountered.
From the moment I laid my eyes on him I knew there was something exceptional about this man. I never expected anything from him, and when you give the most unlikely person an opportunity, they can surprise you, rendering some the brightest life lessons. In this case the chance I took on him rewarded me with an awakening that would rival Chopin and Lady Chatterly combined.

He was  younger than me, but one hundred percent a man and he was the first to ever make me feel like a woman. He had such a boyish charm in his smile and in his gestures, but his eyes had the depth of an old soul. It sounds so cliché, but I knew immediately and intuitively that he was someone I had to give my precious time and attention to. At that time in my life I was rebounding from not one, but two relationships that were unsuccessful… both respectively failed for different reasons. And I was still reeling from those lessons learned.

But I was not looking for anyone and that is exactly when he found me. I was in the third and most difficult semester of my Doctoral coursework, and I was questioning every ambitious choice I made and motivation I had. I was battling emotional demons form the past, balancing work and health stressors, and not to mention the countless insecurities that I had and still fight to this day. At that point I had no time for someone new, but when we met it was clear to me that this was a person I had to open my life to. He asked me the dumbest question to break the ice, and I still gave him a chance and I am so glad that I did.

I remember our first time together, and I honestly feel like every time before that never actually counted. I didn’t think I was ready, but I was absolutely ready. I was in dire need of everything he was willing to give to me; he was a river flowing into my desert, quenching every scorched corner of that parched wilderness. He was perfect in every way. His family was from an island in the Caribbean like mine, but he was Latin. His beautiful olive skin was even toned and without a single freckle or blemish until I scratched and dug may nails into his muscular shoulders and back. His hair was black and long enough for me to run my fingers through and pull as I often did. The depth of his eyes terrified and intrigued me because I knew what he held behind them.  But his lips were the best part. They matched mine, not to wide or thick, but just puffy enough to provide a soft landing for my lips.

There are no words that can truly capture my experience with this mystical Pisces Man, but a girl sure can try.

We had been dating for quite a while and I was really happy around him. We were just hanging out and having good clean fun… I swear! We watched movies, went to museums, played board games and he even taught me about online video games. He introduced me to a new type of music and he would send me songs that would help me relax. We would just stay up all night talking like old friends, and he would bid me goodnight in Spanish. Like I said, he was boyish. His relaxed nature tempered my pure intensity. But that semester was wearing me down, and he was a welcomed escape from everything that was slowly killing my happiness.

I just remember being so nervous and frazzled driving over to his house to see him. As usual when I arrived and parked in the lot next to his car, he came down to greet me and escort me up to his two story condo.

He hugged me and asked me about my drive and my day and I think I literally rambled all the way up the three flights of stairs, and for the first half hour of being in his home I hadn’t relaxed or sat down. I just paced and talked as he just sat there motionless and expressionless. Then suddenly I noticed the depth in his beautiful dark eyes and paused as he firmly took hold of me and said “Sorry, I just have to do this…” and he kissed me. For the first time in my life I was kissed so passionately that I felt calm and excitement all at once. I felt fireworks on my skin wherever he touched me, and his soft plush lips pressed against mine. I could barely move or think and I just wanted so much more.

I think that was what had me hooked. In my head it is usually so loud, but with him I was able to shut it all out and just relish in pure physical and spiritual pleasure. And when I describe this as spiritual, it is because my experience with him was so transformative, it literally changed my outlook on sexuality,  on life, on feeling desired and just who and what I was looking for in a partner. I was so comfortable being myself with him and forgetting about my insecurities, that I was able to just enjoy it all, every single blissful moment.

And there were many of those moments. For that year we were together I had the BEST SEX EVER. I mean it was mind blowing, fireworks, waterfalls, intergalactic, headboard cracking- bed breaking- disturbing the neighbors, Christmas Eve magic type of lovin'. And although we had plenty of hilarious mishaps that could have easily turned into one of those Cosmo Magazine disclosures, but it didnt stop us and we just enjoyed ourselves. And for the first time I actually knew what sex was. I knew in my soul and in my heart that I had finally released baggage that was weighing me down. And best of all, I was ready to find a partner, even if it wasn't him, who could give me the physical pleasure I craved along with the love I deserved. 

I was having such an amazing time with him in bed (on the floor, in the shower, the couch, on the kitchen counter, in his loft) but he was not the partner that I desired as my equal. He did not possess the accomplishments that I wanted in a potential life partner like degrees, a career, nor did he have a stable family life growing up. I know that sounds superficial, but those were the things that I worked so hard for and things I was accustomed to. I’m an intense, ambitious Scorpio and  he was an unattached flighty Pisces.

He was just a lover and that was all I needed from him. Another lesson was hence learned, and I was ready to move on. That being said, I would still cross a beach covered with sharp broken seashells, barefoot to be with him again. It was just that good. 

#ThatIsAll